Becoming comfortable outside of your comfort zone

One of the few zones worse than the Friend Zone...

What if being uncomfortable didn’t have to be, well, uncomfortable? By definition it always will be, but hear me out. What if you were way more comfortable doing things that made you uncomfortable? Want to get comfortable at standing up for yourself? Public speaking? Talking to that cute person in class? This is a great place to start.

See, the thing with comfort zones is that they are entirely self-created- it’s literally all in our heads. Though often times nerves have physical effects, these lessen once your mind gets more comfortable (ex- shaking while public speaking).

If you’re uncomfortable with something, chances are you’ve been living with it for a while – which can make it all the more difficult to unlearn. If you’re not the type of person that can just force yourself to do something awkward or uncomfortable (which, let’s be real, none of us start as) then this framework is a great place to begin breaking out of your comfort zone.

Even with this method, expanding your comfort zone isn’t easy and you likely won’t be able to immediately jump into everything that’s been holding you back for years. However, as you go, it does get easier over time, and this framework does help you push yourself in structured, consistent ways. It takes time and starts off uncomfortable but be patient. Besides, have you ever seen anyone regret getting more comfortable at something they wanted to improve on?

With that, let's get awkward!

 

Find your reason to break free

Unless you like being uncomfortable, in which case, maybe you should get that checked...

Once you’ve found something you’re uncomfortable with or want to get better at (say, public speaking, talking to strangers, riding roller coasters, or other things that DEFINITELY shouldn't hold us back) start by picturing yourself being awesome at it. Fully visualize yourself killing it. Imagine what it will feel like, be like, look like.

Think about what other parts of your life may get easier or better and picture yourself killing those too.  Watch the pros do it and get a decent image of what being comfortable looks like. 

This image is what you're aiming to achieve and look like. It's a tracker to see how you’ve improved and what you still need to work on. Mentally think through these each time you do something out of your comfort zone. This is also incredibly important for the confidence you’ll need to progress. If you don’t think you can do something, you definitely won’t be able to. Don’t set yourself up for failure right off the bat. Confidence (even if based on an image in your head that’s never happened before) is a key component to allowing yourself to work on something, which is the only way you get comfortable.  

 

Find your inner drive

When pure awkwardness isn't enough...

Often times the above closely aligns with this, but it’s important to add fuel to the fire and find something you can use as motivation to keep pushing yourself.

At the end of the day, if your motivation (desire, ambition, fear, etc.) doesn’t override your nerves to get you to do something, then even if you follow these steps you’ll always revert back to your comfort zone and not grow as much as you could.

Unfortunately, even when we break out of our comfort zone, it’s incredibly easy to retreat right back into it. We think “woohoo, I survived! (and am never doing that again)”. You need to have clear motivation to push yourself again when you feel yourself settling with your progress.

My favorite motivations are either “how awesome will it be once I can do this comfortably” or “wow, being uncomfortable and awkward at this suuuucks”. Find whatever works for you and view your work on it as an experiment to lower the mental ‘stakes’ you’ve likely created for yourself. When you make something a mental game against yourself, you’re much less likely to worry about what other people think and just focus on doing what you need to.

 

Break down your problem

Put it in a box. Kick the box down a hill. Burn the box. 

Next, you need to break down what you’re trying to get comfortable at into smaller, manageable parts. If your goal is a larger project, say getting more comfortable with public speaking or learning something new like dancing, then figure out its components and work on those. Control the things you can and get the basics you’re already comfortable with out of the way (like being prepared for the presentation). After you’ve removed as many barriers as you can, put your focus into what’s awkward and challenges you – this is where the growth is. For things that don’t necessarily require this type of preparation, don’t over think it as that may make you less likely to do it (i.e talking to strangers or riding roller coasters).

You can also break apart less ‘complex’ goals like speaking up for yourself, asking more questions or participating more, meeting new people, or even things like cliff jumping. To do this, start pushing yourself with smaller challenges – talking more in less important meetings, striking conversations with strangers in an environment you feel safe in and could find a common ground to talk about, jumping off smaller cliffs or a diving board, etc. Build up to more audacious goals. Remember you need to be able to clearly visualize yourself doing it so start small.

 

Conquer Your Fear

Make Fear fear you!

When it comes time to do whatever it is you’re doing, what helps me the most is not thinking about it. Give yourself whatever energy you need (i.e. calm yourself down or psych yourself up) and count down from 5. By the time you’re at 1 you should already be off and doing whatever it is you were previously worried about. Do whatever it takes for you to actually take the leap and do it. This is different for everyone and forcing yourself to do it is all that matters. Chances are it’ll be less bad than you think. Even greater chances you won’t regret it.

Think about how little you actually have to lose by trying something, especially in the low-stake environments you should start in. If the only thing on the line is an uncomfortable feeling, and not something physically dangerous (like jumping off a cliff you haven’t depth-checked), then push those thoughts out of your head and focus on execution.

The key to expanding your comfort zone is to keep pushing your comfort zone further and further. Each time you push yourself in one field, other fields will become more comfortable.

Don’t let early stage ‘failures’ set you back – small steps lead to confidence and big wins. Work on practicing in low risk environments while still pushing your comfort zone.

Make sure you learn something in each experience – see what went well, what you still have to improve on, and compare your run through with the mental image of it you created at the start.

Work on building out a system to continually push yourself and get more and more comfortable with whatever you’re doing. Make weekly or monthly goals and don’t let opportunities to work on it pass.

 

Expanding your comfort zone

We're talking sweatpants, slippers, and hot cocoa-on-the-sofa comfortable here

If you follow these steps you should see your comfort levels increase in what you’re working on AND in your ability to try new things. Once you get comfortable with something that used to be uncomfortable, you’ll realize there’s less holding you back than you once thought and you’ll be able to push yourself even more. Eventually, you’ll be fairly comfortable outside of your comfort zone. 'Uncomfortable' things will start to feel a bit more in your element.

Finally, don’t get discouraged. Some things will always be a bit uncomfortable even with a lot of practice. Famous public speakers still say they have tons of nerves before giving speeches- view nerves as what keeps you on your toes. By working on expanding your comfort zone we’ll be able to do things that once incapacitated us with a much higher proficiency, even if it never feels fully natural, and that is what we strive for.

Until then, embrace the awkward, make it fun, keep pushing yourself, and see where you end up!