How to Reconnect with Anyone
Ever wonder how that friend you lost contact with is doing? Not just how their Snapchat, Facebook, or Instagram says they’re doing- but how they’re really doing?
This article shares some of the techniques I’ve developed over the last few months to make following up and reconnecting with people easier – no matter who they are or when you last spoke.
Why does it matter?
In a Reddit post a friend shared with me, someone made a list of what their terminally ill cancer patients said they would miss the most. 13 of the 15 are connected to people (the others are nature-related). This speaks to how central, lasting, and important relationships with others are.
Think about the last time someone reached out and said something made them think of you. This often makes your day.
Losing contact with people you care about sucks, but thankfully, is much more avoidable than you think.
Plus, on a less “let’s all hold hands and be friends” note – staying in touch with professional contacts and keeping an actively engaged network is the #1 way to advance your career and stay in the loop on what’s important.
How to Reconnect with Anyone
There are a few approaches that bridge the gap since you’ve last spoken with someone when reconnecting.
Provide Value- Give them a reason to read your email and make them glad they did. Share relevant news and updates on what they care about.
- Check their company/industry news every few months and send them an article that relates to their field. Share your take and additional analysis and ask for their thoughts.
- Make it personal and fun, don’t only talk about work. Ex- I still send the Director of my first internship photos from new surf trips since we used to surf together before work.
Show they’re special to you- why would you reconnect with them otherwise? Everyone wants to feel valued and to make an impact on someone – share your appreciation.
Tell them specifically how they’ve helped you (usually advice they gave you) and share the impact it’s made or how you've used it.
Bring up something specific that made you think of them. If you used to eat at food trucks every Friday with an old manager and thought of them while at a food festival, shoot them a note!
Show Progress- get them more invested in your life story. Share interesting/relevant news since you last spoke and get them more invested in your development and growth.
- Combine this tip with the last one and tell them how they were the one to help you get to where you are now from their advice/mentorship/etc. on XYZ.
Tell them what you want- Every email you send should have a purpose.
- Your email’s purpose can be to thank or congratulate someone but you’ll likely want some type of response so ask a question and engage them.
- Common email goals: get a reply/updates, set phone call to catch up, receive specific advice or recommendations, set up a meeting. Leave larger goals (like asking for introductions) for phone calls/in person meetings.
***
Using these techniques will make your message seem less random, provide the other person value, increase the likelihood they respond, and strengthen your relationship.
***
While incorporating these takes more time and effort, people will notice. Below is a screenshot of an encouraging note from someone I hadn’t talked to in months but reconnected with by sharing an article from her field that made me think about her.
While these techniques are always useful, distinguish your approach based on your relationship. For simplicity, I’ve split these up into three groups that each have unique tactics you can use in addition to the other tips.
New Contacts
These are people you’ve met recently, likely only once or twice, and are looking to build a relationship with. Examples are recruiters at career fairs, a professor you had a one on one conversation with, someone you just met and found interesting, etc.
Include these in your first email or message to them:
- Specific parts of the conversation you enjoyed or what you learned from them. The more unique, the better.
- A concrete action item that involves connecting again soon. Ask them for a call or coffee chat to learn more about what you were talking about. Frequency is key especially at the start of relationships. The more contact points you have with someone, the faster your relationship will be established.
Recent Connections
These are the people you’ve spoken to or heard from in the last 3-6 months. While you may not have all of their latest updates, you have an idea of what they’re up to and want to see how they’re doing.
- Follow their companies, blogs, or other projects they’re working on. Stay updated on their next milestones and use those as touch points to stay in touch.
- This is the group you go to favors for. Look for opportunities to add value to them and see if there’s anything you can help them with. Staying in touch with people makes it easier to ask them for help when you need it so email your key contacts every few months.
True Reconnections
These are the people you haven’t spoken to in a year or so and is the hardest group to reconnect with. They may have not responded to your last message (or two) and if they passed you on the street they’d take a second to remember your name. Don’t let more time pass, Jeff...or was it George...?
- Explain why you’ve been MIA. Do this in the form of showing progress rather than making excuses. Say “this is what I’ve been up to lately” – and share your news.
- Do something different. If they didn’t respond to your last email try a new approach. Stand out and put more effort in. An old professor of mine once didn’t respond to an email I sent so I followed up a few months later with a ridiculously titled email “I lied to you”. It got his attention and he responded the same day.
- For the love of all things good and decent – don’t ask them for anything major. This will make people feel like you’re using them and you’ll be a part of reason the phrase “networking” has such a bad connotation. Stepping off my soap box now
***
Go do it!
Finally, don’t be shy to reach out to someone just because you haven’t talked to them in a while. If you approach it correctly, they’ll likely be glad you tried to reconnect. These tips work on professional contacts, friends, exes (whether you should be messaging them or not is for you to decide), and anyone else you may be out of touch with.
Heck, send this article to someone saying it made you think of them.
Go forth and make old friends!